A mother’s contemplation

photo on pixabay, pexels.com

I have heard before that a mother’s love to their child is unconditional.

Maybe that is the reason why i can’t describe it. Believe me i’ve tried it before, to write a poem, a description, but the words don’t flow naturally.

It’s incredible that the most overwhelming love i am experiencing is extremely hard to put into words. It’s truly beyond all of them.

What i can write about is that, through all my dotters phases since she was newborn i have been feeling and experiencing a roller coaster of emotions that i didn’t even knew it existed in me: good and bad!

She has the ability to make my hair grow gray only for worrying.. to want to yell at a pillow when she cries endlessly or is having her crisis.. to make my breath and my heart stop while i get scared she is going to fall or hit a table, to make me feel like the queen of cleaning..but to make my heart literally melt when i look at her sleeping.

It doesn’t matter how chaotic, frustrating, the day has been as somedays are.. When i see her sleeping I forget about what the day brought and am so GRATEFUL for having her in my life.

God blessed me with such a precious gift in my life..

Narbonne, April 2018 by M.L.

Namaste ❤


Being a parent

Arvidsjaur, 2018 by M.L.

One of the most challenging new starts so far has been the blessing to become a mother. It became a turning point in my life, in many ways. Both positive and negative.

I hided a depression after my baby’s birth, from everyone around me. The one that develops with the so called: “baby blues”.

I did not understand why i was surrounded with so many negative feelings mixed with positive, if it happened such a blessing in my life. I expected and gave birth to the most beautiful little girl in the world! I connected with her from day one in my belly, but even though i felt going downhill.

I realized “baby blues” is not taken seriously as it should. Before birth i heard now and then some people talking terrified about some mother that didn’t connect with it’s child..and so on, related to it..

Becoming a parent changed my perspective of seeing life. Suddenly i was not anymore only a dotter. I am a mother, such as my mother is to me! It is a change that it can not be explained in words. The amount of joy, feelings, responsibility, plans, expectations that follow almost suffocate me and got worse my depression.

I never admitted to myself and i did not search for help because somehow i felt ashamed and afraid of being questioned and critisized . I thought that i could manage it by myself..

I could despite all those inner fights, keep on living, my new life, my new role. But it wasn’t easy in the beggining.

It is certainly not the easiest task in the world. There should be an intensive training both from society and from your own parents! More attention from medical care, as equal focus on the mother also.

For the first, i am still learning to know myself, and at the same time dealing with challenges in life.

For the second, i don’t have my own parents or nuclear family close to me to support me.

But I learn everyday as long as I see her growing. We learn with each other. She learns to live, i teach her all I got at the same time that I learn more about parenting.

The most important thing to keep in mind is to give LOVE. And don’t care anymore about parent competition and comparisons of their kids and ways of raising them. I care to do how it works for me and not how everyone else does or thinks.

I really raise my hat to all the parents out there fighting to give a good education to they kids and to raise them as good people. You are strong!

I see the “perfect family” as the one that THAT TRIES IT’S BEST, gives LOVE, TIME, DEDICATION, PATIENCE and FORGIVENESS. It learns from mistakes and develops from challenges. It has a goal, to build a family based on good values and carry them on.

I am blessed to be in this new role in my life, but i still feel sometimes that it is very overwhelming.

Most of all i discovered a LOVE that i didn’t know it existed in me. A love that can’t be explained in words, even though i try..


Picture: Arvidsjaur, big lake, 2018, by Marlene Lima